Rapid Network

Getting angry may seems like a normal reaction to frustrations in life.  When you get stuck at a red light, or when the credit card bill is higher than expected, of course you get angry.  Doesn't that make sense?  You may know that your angry reactions don't change the situation, but what choice do you have?  It's not that you choose to get angry, it just happens.  You often think that the events that the events that go on around you cause the anger.  But when you realize that two different people can have two completely different responses to the same situation (think of the guy who yells at the waiter for serving him cold soup, while the guy at the table next to him simply asks the waiter to heat it up), we can see that it's something much deeper than the situation which is causing the anger.

Anger, as well as other intense, disturbing emotions, can seem to take on a life of its own, clouding you vision and impairing your ability to manage situations effectively.  You often may not even realize this is happening, and the anger just grows stronger.  I'm sure there have even been times when the anger has spread over to your relationships with friends and family; other times you may have noticed the the anger has resulted in physical ailments.  Although you may have thought that you were trapped inside this anger, the truth is that there are some things you can do to lesson the adverse effects:

1- Step back from the situation.  If your shoelaces are knotted up before you lace the shoes, what's the best response?  Getting angry, or unknotting the laces?

2- Start with the end in mind.  Anger will rarely change the difficult situation.  If you're goal is to get to the dentist appointment on time, cursing at the red light because it's red isn't going to get you there any faster. 

3- Consider a variety of possibilities for the situation happening.  If you're driving and someone cuts you off, you can get really angry at him.. If you find out, though, that he's rushing to get to the hospital because his wife is about to give birth, well, then you may not be so angry anymore.

4- Focus on the present.  The present is all we have.  If you find yourself getting angry because of something that could have or should have been different, understand that we have no control over the past.  Things happened as they did because they did, and they're done.  If there is no way of changing that, then getting angry accomplishes nothing.

5- If anger has been a common was of responding to situations in you life, and you recognize that it has been a problem for you, then picture that future-you, that you who accepts what happens in life without getting bothered by it.  That future-you is now your goal, the end that you are striving for, and that goal is now clear.

Know that at all times you have the incredible opportunity to respond to any given situation in the way that makes the most sense to you.  Victor Frankel, the famous Austrian psychiatrist and neurologist, decided when he was in the concentration camps that he couldn't do anything about how the Nazis treated him, but he could do something about how he responded to the treatment.  He survived, after three years in the camps, and he devoted the rest of his life to studying and understanding how the way we think about things determines the effect they have on us.